“Games just aren’t up to scratch with books or film, I just can’t see the point in playing them.” said the Newsnight toff, brain swilling pointless comments that sound like air through the ears yet taste self-gratifyingly sweet as they roll off only his tongue. What’s there to get? They’re the only form of media where you’ll hold hands with the heroes in decimating evil in epic splendour, whilst taking part in blockbuster slapping action sequences and slaying enemies in flawlessly awesome fashions. 2011 was no exception for these golden moments that made us cheer, squirm and boil the adrenalin and we’ve plucked out a few of our own to share. So sit back, flick on your brain lobe of reminiscence and pump your fist into the face of artistic snobs everywhere as we celebrate THE SCREAMING NERDGASM!
daverage
This is a properly sad comment on my gaming wants and needs. There have been some seriously jaw dropping moments in games this year. From jumping off THAT tower in Batman Arkham City, to standing at the spot where Bruce Wayne’s parents were murdered, to viewing the vast landscapes of Skyrim and even finally playing Duke Nukem Forever!
However, for me the moment where I truly geeked out, giggled like a girl and fist pumped into the air came in – WWE All Stars.
As I played as the Ultimate Warrior in the Demo and threw my opponent 20 feet in the air and they came crashing to the mat in glorious over the top splashes of colour and Baywatch like slow mo, I actually shouted out with joy. If candy floss were made into a game, it would be WWE All Stars!
The full game was filled with such moments of utter joy. Gameplay so simple that my 4 year old could probably beat it, but so much fun that I wanted to weep tears of joy. This was a game made by fans of old school wrestling and old school wrestling games, back in the day it was all called WWF.
Great stuff and a worth contender for Nerdgasm of 2011
HippyDave
Dead Space 2- Space Rage Psychosis **Minor Spoilers Ahead**
I knew Dead Space 2 was special when it started up with a dead lady screaming at me with light streaming from her eyes and mouth – follow that up with a straight jacketed flee from danger and I was hooked. I make no surprises of my love of the franchise, but DS2 really upped the game; with better weapons, bigger locales, more set pieces, it’s fair to make the Alien and Aliens comparison – DS2 basically amped up the scale and intensity, and as a result, there were moments of gaming excellence galore.
The early moments of tension were great, and some of the twists (and non-twists) were excellent – follow the plot and the game just keeps giving. But the action was by far the best, as evidenced by some truly epic boss encounters (the in-space Zero G fight against the giant necromorph was intense as anything I played in an FPS all year). Impaling crawlers across a huge cathedral comes to mind as something that really made me grin, but for sheer leaping around with joy (yet squirming like a larvae in my chair), the final couple of chapters were untouchable. Isaac has finally realised that he needs to surrender himself to stop the Marker, and fights his way towards it, when he comes across an MRI machine. He gets in.
It’s not an MRI machine, it’s a tool to help him “see”. And by see, we mean, alter his mental state by performing ocular intrusion brain surgery. Then you, the gamer, has to fight against Isaac’s instincts to PUSH A NEEDLE INTO HIS EYE.
And not just into the eye, right into the pupil. As he wriggles. And fights back. And squirms. And you squirm. And if you slip, HIS HEAD EXPLODES FROM THE PRESSURE OF THE MACHINE. And after that, you still have to fight the creatures that come from Isaac’s warped and shattered mind. It’s a solid hour of brutal joy.
Yes, I replayed it twice, and every time, I was crawling up the sofa. It’s just so intense, and followed by a truly great gaming ending – you might see it coming, but my gosh, you’ll love it all the way.
Dragon screams and nuclear bombs are cool and all, but needles and eyes just about beat everything. Except, perhaps, Mr Toots…..
Phoenix Trigger
Honourable mentions go to Dark Souls, roundhouse kicking my mollycoddled self with its armies of monoliths that you have to face. The sheer thrill of slaying a boss by the skin of the teeth may be amplified due to the amount of hours I spent camping at bonfires, but nothing was quite as gratifying as claiming the axe-tail of an acid spewing dragon. Downing my first colossi in Shadow of the Colossus also would’ve come close, but that just made me feel like a douche.
…yes, I hadn’t played Shadow of The Colossus before 2011. Oh don’t give me that look.
The moment that had me jumping with joy in part accomplishment, part exhaustive relief was one of my first zombie encounters in Dead Island. When I first stepped foot in Banoi, I thought my years of Left 4 Dead training had me covered. Every lone zombie that stumbled my way had their heads liberated from their bodies with a few smooth swipes. As I dwindled upon the sun toasted pool sides, the weather blessed aesthetic put me at a rather false sense of ease. Exceptionally cocksure, I attempted to break into a bar to quench my soberness when I came across a door far more devious than ones I’d met before.
It was stuck. I guffawed at the simple timing mini-game that determined whether I would pass and the door took its first thwack. The pitter patter of zombie feet resonated behind me, and were becoming less and less tiny with each millisecond. The door took a second hit and still refused to open. My reflexes started to shatter, button thwacking was becoming my preferred method of door smashing, but it wasn’t working, those decaying arms were fast approaching along with the horrific cries of orgasm over the smell of fresh meat. After what seemed like too long, I burst through and had just enough time to spiral around and decapitate the opportunistic bitch in fitting slow-mo. My screams of success and shaking fist pump were bundled with a sucker punch to my safety. If felt like that horrid moment where you encountered Dr Salvador or Pyramid Head, controller fumbling and all, zipping through the brain at light speed. As I brushed myself off, I realised I’d be spending the next few hours terrified of rotten gnashers and shoddy door frame workmanship, leaving me sneaking around the resort and peering from corners for danger like the bizarre love child of Bear Grylls and Mr Bean. It’s moments like these that bridge that gap between fiction and reality, and a short moment that glued me to the game and left a footprint in my mind.
Then I realised the scantly clad zombie missus had one of her boobs torn out and shrieked.