Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess! Review (PS3, PSP)

(Might) just be the best Playstation Mini yet!

Stealth is over-rated. Stealth is cowardly. Stealth is used by sex offenders. Those who hang back are just too scared to handle the consequences of their actions. We need more protagonists like the Duke, taking enemies by surprise with antagonising accusations rather than beard scratching suspicion. Don’t let the slight hint of doubt in the title fool you, Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess! allows you to stride into lairs with no solid evidence in possession whatsoever, and demand your princess back, not leaving until your conviction has been 100% justified.

The rules for damsel rescuing are so simple that even a Koopa bopping plumber wouldn’t be able to misunderstand them and drag the scenario onwards for decades. After barging his way into a monster’s domain, the Duke will make a dashing claim (or hasty assumption) that the slightly bewildered fiend has taken a fancy to his princess. With no doubt in mind, a vertical chase ensues, and all the Duke must do is traverse platforms in an effort to thwack the beast three times on the head.

Brandishes enough bullish bravado to justify the impressive price tag.

The premise is incredibly basic; so basic you can slay the 5 stages within around 15 minutes once you’re in the swing of it. Although it’s from the ‘Playstation Mini’ range and asks you to sacrifice only £3.49 from your credit card, it still feels disheartening when you defeat the game. It’s not conventional disappointment where you feel you haven’t got your fill of gaming goodness, but where it feels that the game truly hasn’t taken it’s positive elements to their potential. A successful demo with no follow up release if you will. A more extensive look into the Mini however, will ignite that spark of genius and deliver the bang for your buck.

Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess! is presented as a light hearted and colourful cartoon and humour akin to Dan Paladin’s Castle Crashers and Alien Hominid. Both complement each other extremely well, and although it’s not a script dense in wit, the Duke’s immeasurable arrogance and unshakeable accusations never cease to kick a snigger from your lungs.

The story may be short, yet simply rescuing your beloved is seen as a simple feat to The Duke, compared to perfecting each stage for medals. As you progress upwards, each platform landed on adds to an overall combo, amounting to a medal and possible scrapbook reward detailing a little bit of humorous backstory to the proceedings. Sounds simple enough, but when you’re striving to hit every platform and prevent a (possibly) guilty monster from escaping then it becomes more of a side-quest than a harmless bit of fun. Replay value dwells on this need for perfection, and be you completive or not, after just one attempt you’ll be sucked into a warp hole of déjà vu, and find yourself drawn into an eye straining test of hopping around the place in a race against an incredibly strict clock. Add some bonus score attack modes, and the concept of time better watch its back for this potential mass murderer.

Despite stopping before it has a chance to truly shine, Monsters (Probably) Stole My Princess brandishes enough bullish bravado to justify the impressive price tag. Elitists may blitz the story mode over a morning coffee, yet will tremble at the thought of perfecting each stage. With a great sense of humour and creative design, it’s a shame we couldn’t delve into the minds of it’s creators for a broader look at what the game could’ve truly offered, but a strong premise offers plenty of replay value that makes this a potential bargain. Besides, since when has leaving your audience wanting more ever been a bad thing?